Sonic Avenues
S/T
Going Gaga Records
By Christopher Duda
(SugarBuzz Toronto)
Sugarbuzz buzz buzz magazine ine ine
My father was a car.
Although it was shielded from me for many years, I happened upon an envelope that provided me the true identity of my father.
I was always under the impression that he was some jock on a high school football team that took advantage of my mother at a teenage fracas. I was very off base.
I held the envelope in my hands staring at it wondering what might be contained within it. You see it was found under a floorboard in my dead mother’s room and handed to me by the man refinishing the hardwood.
I blew the dust off it and grabbed a utility knife and sliced along the seam. Even I with my Panglossian behavior was dreading the information that was about to unfold in front of me.
My eyes blinked in disbelief as before me was a paternity test result. Sweat poured from my forehead like vaginal lubrication from a two bit whores well used love muffin. I flippantly fumbled through the document trying to locate the nom du plum of my papa………………
Much like Alice and Wonderland I felt my body shrinking as everything became fuzzy and articles around me became larger than life itself. There signed in blue ink at the bottom of the second page was the name of my father.
A 1967 Volkswagen Bug!
My life raced before my eyes as I hyperventilated and came close to blacking out.
Suddenly my existence was coming full circle and biting me on the ass much like a snake eating its own tail. I began to piece it together, one fact at a time. As months rolled by I kept a diary of my random thoughts and findings.
Here are some of the entries……
1. I now know why I have a hunch back
2. I soon figured out that my mother had intercourse with the stick shift. I always wondered why she never took her hand off it
3. I have this overwhelming desire to shove things down the front of my pants and now I know why as a VW bugs trunk is in the front
4. Whenever German is spoken I can deduce what is being said.
You may be asking yourself- is this not supposed to be about a band called Sonic Avenues. In theory you are correct but I felt that I must unleash this secret to the world so that others can begin to explore their humble beginnings. Now, to get to the point. In 1978 I was 11 years old. My mother and I would always go for drives in the country in my father! She was lucky enough to have an older brother that introduced her to great new music and in turn passing this wealth onto my ears. Cruising around listening to 8 tracks became one of my favorite past times. The Undertones, The Buzzcocks, The Jam soon became high on the rotation list even though songs were sometimes cut off in the middle and continued on the next track.
Now we are here in the present I am now 43 and still feeling 18. Sonic Avenues brings me back to a time when the music was new, fresh and exciting. I find myself jumping around the living room listening to the cd with my wife (Honda) and my two children.
I have had an 8 track deck installed in my wife. Please release this on that format so I can shove it in her…………
